What does self-care look like, and how do we make it achievable?

My self-care may look different from your self-care, in fact it SHOULD look different. Self-care is based exactly on that, caring for YOURself. Not Suzy’s self, not your kid’s self, your friend’s self, your spouses’ self. YOURSELF. However, here are some forms of self-care that I use to help align myself back to center, or as close as possible.

Meditation/mindfulness. I’m lumping these two together because I feel as if you can’t have one without the other. I also don’t always choose to sit down for a full 20/30min meditation, but I will try to center myself by focusing on my breath, or using some sort of self talk to help me regain some clarity or calm. In times when you feel you don’t have the option to sit for a long mediation but need something to help you, try paying attention, on purpose, in the moment, without judgment, (mindfulness). This can be as simple as one to three minutes to just help you calm your mind.

Reading. My love for reading has definitely developed the older I’ve gotten, and it really took off once I’d found the genres I enjoy. Since discovering the books I enjoy, reading has definitely become a form of self-care. After having my second child, I started a book club as a way to devote more time to reading and myself. That book club is no longer mine having passed it on after rejoining the work force, however it still thrives and that makes me proud and so happy for those women who are still getting enjoyment from something I created for my previous self. A few friends of mine have actually just started a book club to do via Google meets once a month, and I’m excited to be discussing books again as a newer version of myself. I say previous/newer self because who I was then, (1st book club), is definitely different from the woman I am now, five years later. There’s personality differences, life that’s been lived, experiences, and more knowledge gained. Ultimately, a different perspective then past me.

Writing. I feel as if what I said above applies a lot here, as well. I have loved writing since I was a child and I had dreamt of writing as an adult, but life got in the way of that. Society got in the way of that, the thoughts and opinions of others, of writing not being a viable career choice unless you’re published or GOOD. Picking my writing back up at twenty-nine with a completely different outlook on life from the teenager who hadn’t experienced much is exciting. Were my thoughts and opinions and words still valid? A resounding YES! Just different. It was also another form of self-care. Just for ME. I’m looking forward to my writing as an almost thirty-year-old.

Grabbing a drink, to enjoy. I can’t tell you the enjoyment I get out of having someone else make a delicious drink for me to enjoy, especially if I’ve had a hard day, or I just want to sit and write or read. EVEN making a drink at home gives me enjoyment. Sometimes spending a bit of extra time to brew a shot of espresso, chilling it, pouring a flavor and milk over ice is calming, as well. Using one of the five senses, such as taste, as a calming mechanism when things are hard or emotions arise scientifically helps ground you.

Going for a walk. Walking, actually let me rephrase that, any kind of physical activity has never been my favorite once I graduated. After having children, I feel like my mind and body need it. My body sadly doesn’t feel the same as it did when I was a teenager or in my early twenties. I don’t mean the extra squish, I mean structurally. I feel sore and weak after three pregnancies and three C-sections in the past eight years. Physically, I can’t do what my mind tells me I can without feeling like I’ve been ran over by a Mack truck and then that Mack truck put it in reverse. Walking I can handle. Days when I just. don’t. want. to. I do. Because I know I need it. Mentally, more than anything. This leads me into my next tip.

Just get outside. I fell in love with being outdoors as a teenager. Trips to the riverbank, the breeze flowing, the swaying of the trees, the movement of the water. It's my favorite. I actually FEEL myself relax, and it's still my favorite place to be. When I can’t get to the river, my backyard works just fine. The grass on my feet, the hot sun on my face, the laughter coming from my kids as they imagine and play. I love it. I feel at home in it.

Setting small goals to focus on and then working toward those goals. These goals can be as simple as mine most days (make a coffee, read a bit, fold a load of laundry, keep ignoring the kitchen and hope it resolves itself), this last one never happens. I currently have an almost three-month-old and these goals, while they may seem small, are sometimes all I can fit in in-between nursing every hour and a half, changing and getting a baby to maybe nap. These goals, however, can be modified to fit YOUR needs. Since it’s YOUR self-care.

Social media in doses. I feel as if social media occasionally gets a bad rap, and I can see why. It can become addicting, it can cause competitiveness when there doesn't need to be any, it can make you feel like you need to buy products to achieve happiness. The studies have been done, but I'm not going to go into all of them here, Google it. I like to use social media as a motivation tool on days when I don't feel like doing more than what's needed of me. Seeing others doing good things, seeing others achieve, inspires me. Gathering ideas via Pinterest or Instagram of new books I'd like to read or walls I'd like to paint IS helpful and inevitably inspires me to do more. This fact then bleeds into those other forms of self-care I mentioned earlier.

I hope that this post gives you an arsenal of options to help you care for yourself.